I asked a fellow employee if they watched a TV show the prior night and they retorted with, "I don't own a television."  There happen to be certain phrases which you can not say, without sounding like a pretentious poop.  "I don't own a television," just happens to be high up on that list.

I tried to think of as many of these phrases that I could.... here is a list that would make even Veruca Salt cringe.

- The book was better.

- I drink my coffee black, because I actually like the taste of coffee.

- Is your produce locally grown?

- Your jewelry isn't made out of blood diamonds is it?

- Nothing I buy is tested on animals.

- I can't remember the last time I ate fast food

- You let your kids drink soda?

- I like camping because I like to get away from it all.

- My dog is a rescue

- How have you never heard of this band?

- I only buy things made in America

- I went to a film festival over the weekend

- I prefer privately owned establishments

- I don't own a cellphone

- I voted

- Sorry I am late. I ran into my yoga instructor

- I am not really into sports

- I'm not excited when I meet movie stars... they're just regular people.

Well, that's all I got for now, but I am sure there is a lot more to come.  If you would like to be able to read more, or if you would like to suggest some, feel free to follow @Pretentassness  Yes I did just create that twitter account.  I'm coming for you @Humblebrag  Wait a second, is my idea too similar to Humblebrag?  AHH FUCK IT....



The end

In honor of The Masters, here are some fun golf times yeah yeah.

I fell in love with PGA Golfer Ben Crane, when I found this video.  I posted it a few times on the site, but it is just too good.  So, here it is again.

...And now I found this outtakes video

...and he has since made two more videos that are like these below, because they are these below.

Sadly, Ben missed the cut at The Masters this year.  But on a lighter note, I stopped cutting myself

And, now for some real comedians.

Robin Williams on the invention of golf CLICK HERE

Brian Regan on the bird sounds during golf telecasts CLICK HERE

Some nice golf shoes you can purchase over at engrish.com I think we found a new name for the LPGA Tour.

Finally, it would not be complete without a Caddy Shack clip.  Cannonball, cannonball coming!!! CLICK HERE

Im Done.

I want to buy a sleeveless Cars T-shirt, a giant car-seat and recreate this.

You have to at least watch it until he gets to the Ludacris part.

DONE

...and we're back..

Talking Animals, let's do it.


NIGHTTIME DAYTIME

ALAN ALAN ALAN

No Ladies?

I invented roll it

DONE

I am not a great writer, and I don't believe that I have ever pretended to be.  I am also not a musician or really understand what musicians are doing when they're up on stage, banging around on their instruments.  A lot of times I don't even know what the fucking song is about.  I also hate research.  That's why you will never read anything by me delving into what an artist was going through, what underlying political message they were trying to communicate, who was their influences,  etc...  I like what I like, and most of the time can't explain why.  But, isn't that the best type of infatuation? The unexplainable.

So, here is my top ten songs of 2010.  Some with explanations, but a lot more with out.


10. Adele: Rolling in the Deep
Every once in awhile you have to admit a guilty pleasure.  This song is that for me.  I had it on repeat for 3 straight days.  I enjoy the simplistic "White Stripes-esque Drums," and Adele AKA, Amy Fat-as-a-House, has an incredible voice.

9. jj: New York
The Swedish duo released this mix-tape on December 24th.  Just in time to get on the Brad Ass top 10.  I am sure that is the reason why they rushed it.

8. Chiddy Bang: Under The Sheets
The only hip-hip act that got me even remotely excited in 2010.   While their remix of MGMTs "kids" maybe their most popular .  "Under the Sheets" is their best.

7. Janelle Monae: Tightrope

Ok, so I guess there was another hip-hop act that I enjoyed.  She is half Andre 3000, half Amy Whinehouse, and half James Brown.  Too many halves, that is how you know when someone is really good.  Here she is killing it on Letterman.

6. Emmanuel & The Fear: Jimmie's Song

This song may have technically came out in 09', but I am not going to further investigate it.  Plus, it has whistling, not wanting a job, being in a rock band, and some shit about Burger King, so I am going to let it slide.

5. Broken Social Scene: Sweetest Kill

4. Wolf Parade: Ghost Pressure

It was hard to pick a song off this album to put on the top 10.  The album was actually better than the individual songs, but I needed to put one on here.

3. Beach House: Walk in the Park

2 & 1. In no particular order.

The Gorillaz: Empire Ants, and LCD Soundsystem: Dance Yrself Clean

Both songs follow the same formula.  A great long, laid-back slow-burn, leading to happy fun times halfway through, when the beat drops and the tempo pops. (I am pretty sure that made no sense, but it was fun to write.)

I am sure you disagree, but fuck man I blog so I win.

DONE

p

Woops! I forgot a great one.

Honorable Mention goes to, Werner Herzog Narrates Where's Waldo.

CLICK HERE



Done

Whole bunch of Top 10 lists coming your way.  Here is the Top 10 Youtubes of 2010.


10. The most viewed YouTube video of the year.  Auto Tune News: Bed Intruder Song

9. In a year where the number one golfer, put his balls in too many holes that didn't belong to him, Ben Crane gave us some levity.

8. My favorite spoof of my favorite movie of the year.  A lot funnier if your little nephew is a Dora fan. "Can you say BRRRRRRRRM?"

7. All I have to say is TROLOLOLOLOLO

6. DJ gives a new meaning to the term, "Hitting the high hats"

CLICK HERE 

5. Atomic Tom, records a song on subway using only iPhones.  Take that Gorillaz, and your making of an entire album on an iPad, 

4. Too Damn High

3. Chinese Hurdler Deosn't Give a Fuck.  The best part is at the end.  He actually checks his watch to see what his time was.

2. Double Rainbow

CLICK HERE 

1. And number one goes to... I guess I am late in discovering interactive videos, but this blew my mind when i first saw it..  After you click on "Shoot" or "Don't Shoot," type in all sorts of things into the space provided.  Such as, "Play," "Fart" or "Fuck."

DONE

I don't read the books but I do enjoy the films. (That is as close to an intro paragraph as you will ever get from me. MOVING ON!)

Just a bunch of random thoughts about the Harry Potter series...

-I started to write this because Harry Potter is on TV as the guest on, Inside the Actors Studio.  He just informed us that "Bollox" is his favorite course-word, and in England it means, Vagina.  I was under the impression it meant "Testicles."  You really do learn something new every day. Thank you Harry.


-The actors whom play the characters and watching them grow up in real life, is almost more compelling than the actually movies.  These kids were 11 years old when the first appeared in the first Harry Potter film.  11!  I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be that age and star in the 4th highest grossing film of all time.

Thank god these kids are British, because if we they were American, Harry would be going back into rehab for the fourth time, we would have several kootchie shots of Hermione, and the Ginger Kid would have offed himself because no one cares about Gingers.


- I wish Richard Harris, the actor that originally played Dumbledore in the first two movies, would have really died right after filming Dumbledore's death scene, instead of after the second movie. QUITTER!


- How do you make sure that fantasy pervs don't stalk you?  When you turn 18, cut your hair so you look like a dude.


- Real life Quidditch League.  Something tells me that the brooms are the only things that will be getting in between these girl's legs this semester.  You know, because they're nerds and bad looking.

- With the Harry Potter series all rapped up, It will be interesting to see if the British Film industry can handle thousands of actors all going out of work at one time.

- Faggotron is the name of a dude that makes songs, using only sounds from a particular movie.

Here is his one for Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone.

Though, my personal favorite Fagattron is from Sleeping Beauty.

- Speaking of Tron, I just looked back up at the TV and Harry Potter is naked hugging what appears to be a horse from the movie Tron.  Further investigation has proven that it was a scene from the play, Equus. And yes, I basically just wrote this to put the word Tron in here so I would come up on more Google searches.

- Speaking of a naked Harry.  I wonder if Harry calls his penis, His Magic Wand, His Broomstick, or His Dumbledore.  If he has an STD he probably calls it, His Hogwarts.

- I think I am done.  Real World/Road Rules Challenge is on now.

Tony Dungy is maybe the dullest sports analyst of all time.  They only thing he has going for him, is looking like a character from two of the most successful fantasy film series.

Tony Dungy


Golum - Lord of the Rings


Dobby - Harry Potter




done

 
Go as a Boxer, dressed up as a gunfighter.  This persons did a great job with their costume.



done