BRADASSNEWS.COM: Diamonds in the Rough: Swazye Style

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Diamonds in the Rough: Swazye Style

Rest in peace Patrick Swayze, we will all miss you. Okay, enough of that. This is not a tear jerking, kiss the ass of a dead guy article. If you want that, go fucking read something on CNN or MSNBC.

Okay then, back to the point of this article. We all remember Swayze classics, such as Ghost, or Dirty Dancing and all that other crap, but sometimes we forget that he was in some really good movies and/or had some really good roles.

Here are some movies/roles we may have forgot...

Donnie Darko

We always remember this fucked up movie as, the coming out party for the Gyllenhaall siblings and forget that the likes of Drew Barrymore and Patrick Swayze were in it.

Swayze plays, Jim Cunningham, an irritating local celebrity, who has made a fortune starring in shitty motivational tapes and has an unhealthy appetite for kiddy porn. (Putting the word "unhealthy" in front of "appetite for kiddy porn," is kinda pointless, because I don't think it is possible to have a "healthy appetite for kiddy porn." It's not like you are ever going to say to someone, "Yo, did you here what's his name has an appetite for kiddy porn," and the other guy isn't going to respond, "Well... is it at least a healthy appetite?")

Here is the shitty motivational video from Donnie Darko

Escape From New York

We forget that Swazye was in this movie because he wasn't. It was Kurt Russel. I always got that confused.

To Wong Fu

This movie gets forgotten because old Swayze fans, that were use to seeing him kick people in the kneecaps in Roadhouse, and shooting communists in Red Dawn were not ready to see him go drag. It's really actually a decent movie and is a better watch now then when it came out. Swayze shows us that, NOT ONLY DO DRAG QUEENS HAVE ADAM'S APPLES, THEY ALSO HAVE HEARTS. haha, that's a great tagline, that I just made up. Thank you very much!

Powder Blue

This movie gets forgotten because it fucking sucked. Think Magnolia but really bad and instead of frogs raining down from the sky at the end, it precipitates 7-11 Blue Slushie. I am not joking, Blue Slushee starts falling from the sky.

It is actually Swayze's last movie and we never even knew he was in it, because the only thing we heard about this movie was that Jessica Biel has a topless stripper scene. OH! It's awesome, she dances around on the stage seductively to a Cat Power song and does some like crazy Cirque de Sexy type of moves. She must have gone to some special stripper school because I have never seen an exotic dancer move like that. Then after she takes off her bra, she grabs like 3 candles and splashes a bunch of hot wax all over her arms and chest, and then she lays on the stage, arches her back real high and stares directly into my eyes, not your eyes, my eyes, she's dancing for me....... wait what was I talking about... Oh yah, Swayze. See, even talking about the strip scene makes me forget that Swayze was in it.

Actually, other than Biel's glorious tits, Swayze is by far the best part of this movie. He is the owner of the strip club that she works at and he plays the, creepy sleezeball character to a tee. His character has this ridiculous long blond hair which is his most prized possession. In one scene, the only way for Jessica Biel to make Swayze stop a girl from giving him a blow job is to threaten his hair with a blow-dryer.

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