BRADASSNEWS.COM: iChattery 10-7-09

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iChattery 10-7-09

Once again, here are a bunch of my online chats, all rolled into one semi flowing conversation.

Brad Ass: I don't understand the end of Trading Places. I need someone to explain it to me.

?: It's not that hard. Sometimes the people are happy and sometimes they don't like it.

BA: Who, Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd? Don't like what?

?: The remodeling... wait... Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd were in an episode of Trading Places?

BA: Episode? I'm talking about the movie.

?: Oh, I thought you were talking about that show where neighbors redesigned each others rooms and shit.

BA: That's Trading Spaces not Places dumbass, and if I didn't understand the end of that show I would shoot myself.

?: Oh yah, I remember the end of that movie. No one wanted Orange Juice so they bought it all, then everyone wanted Orange Juice so they sold it all.

BA: Wow, thanks for clearing that up Greenspan. Your no help. I found the clip with explanation on the right CLICK HERE

?: Wow, that's some explanation. Who knew you had to take an Economics class to understand an Eddie Murphy movie. Wasn't Michael J Fox in this?

BA: No, that was The Secret to My Success.

?: Is Michael J Fox shakey yet?

BA: Really?

?: I mean aren't we all just kinda waiting for it? You know whenever you see him you're watching his hands and shit to see how much he shakes.

BA: Yup, it's awful but true. I feel like a poker player looking for another players tell.

?: In certain situations the shaking may come in handy. His friends probably never make him drive. If he is into woodworking it could improve his sanding technique. His wife probably enjoys it in certain situations.

BA: Not sure that I even want to ask.

?: Women like things that shake and vibrate. Plus when she isn't around I bet it makes masturbating a lot more fun for him.

BA: Oh wow! I was expecting that first part, but not the second. I need new friends.

BA: Speaking of MJ Fox, this is fun read. CLICK HERE

?: haha! I always wondered why they employed Biff later on in life when he tried to rape the mom back in high school. If I was going to hire someone for anything, I am pretty sure attempted rape of my wife would probably hurt their chances.

BA: Well maybe Biff was just really good at waxing cars. I know that you're writing a screenplay but it appears someone might have ripped you off. I know how much you enjoy going Ass to Mouth CLICK HERE

?: What the FUCK WAS THAT!

BA: It appears to be a movie about a pyscho that kidnaps girls, then sews their lips to the ass of other victims, so they all share one digestive system. Thus, creating a Human Centipede.

?: I'm going to be sick. I need a pleasant link to cleanse my pallet. CLICK HERE.

BA: Ahhh, that made me feel better too, and I wasn't even feeling bad. Olivia Munn is a fun time, you see this video she did. CLICK HERE

?: Love it, I hate the whole vampire craze, but feel like we could capitalize on it. Basically, this Twilight bullshit is just Dawson's Creek with fangs. So, we just need to redo something and add fangs.

BA: How about Interview With a Vampire?

?: No you idiot, that already had fangs. IT WAS ABOUT VAMPIRES.

BA: I know but we will still add fangs. In our version the vampires will have 4 fangs. Twice as many fangs as the first one. And the two new fangs will be the back molars so you can't even see them.

?: You won't even be able to see the new fangs?

BA: Nope, what you can't see is always scarier then what you can. Like in Jaws. The thought of the shark was a lot more scary then the shark itself. Knowing the shark was out there was what was scary not the actual sight of him. Thus, knowing the extra fangs are back there but not being able to see them will freak the shit out of people.

?: So, you want to remake Interview With a Vampire by adding extra fangs that you can't see? Isn't that then just the same movie?

BA: Yes, so we will save a shit load of money because we won't have to film anything. We will just dub over Christian Slater in one part and have him ask Pitt, "How many fangs do you have?" during the vampire interview. Then dub over Pitt and have him say, "Twice as many as you think... 4... I have 4." Title the movie, Interview with a Vampire 2: One More Question. We will be so fucking rich! FUCK YAH!

?: Your vulgarity has driven me to end this conversation.

BA: You ever scratch your balls then forget about it. Then 5 minutes later pick your nose?

BA: Hello?

BA: Where'd you go?