BRADASSNEWS.COM: iChattery 10-14-09

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iChattery 10-14-09

Yet again, here are a bunch of my online chats, rolled into one semi flowing conversation.

Brad Ass: Have you seen this $60,000 Ping Pong table? CLICK HERE

?: Wow, that is just stupid.

Brad Ass: There should be a rule that when you play Beer Pong on it, you have to use this beer. CLICK HERE

?: Tasted that beer before at a Beer Festival. Wasn't that impressed, I'm a little annoyed with all the changes that they're doing with beer and beer containers. Don't fix what ain't broke.

Brad Ass: I agree. Why do we need all this shit. I mean, mountains that turn blue, a vent in a can which makes it easier to chug, cans with super advanced inner linings that keep the beer from going bitter. It's like the beer companies have hired all the good engineers.

?: The Blue Activation Mountains are so dumb. Do they really think there was a problem with the old, "Touch to feel if it's cold" method.

Brad Ass: They must think we are total alcoholics and feeling to see if it's cold is one more step before getting drunk.

?: True, I like how the commercials also make us seem like total alcoholics. The one where the guys sneak bottles of beer into an Opera. The beer companies can't believe that a normal male could possibly go 3 hours without a sip.

Brad Ass: The most rediculious commercials were the Coor's Light Train of Death commercials.

?: The what!?

Brad Ass: The ones that where held in a busy place like a football game or whatever, and then out of the blue a frozen train came roaring through the stadium and everyone magically had a beer in their hands.

?: Where does the death come into play?

Brad Ass: Are you kidding? It's a locomotive that obviously came off the tracks, and is ripping through a densely populated area. Can you imagine how many people it killed in that stadium? And the friends of the deceased don't give a shit because they got a free beer out of it, and beer companies think that us alcoholics are OK with losing a friend if it means free booze.

The Train of Death, reloading with beer before it goes off and kills again.

?: Man! I would be pissed if all I got was a beer in exchange for the death of a friend. I would also need some peanuts to get over it.

Brad Ass: Maybe there is Planter's Peanuts Trolley of Terror that will swing by after and hook you up.

?: The only thing that may cause more death is this movie. The Expendables (Trailer)

Brad Ass: Death by bad acting?

?: Can't believe they let, Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Randy Coulture, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger in one movie.

Brad Ass: I didn't see all those people.

?: I looked at it on IMDB, and they're all listed on the cast.

Brad Ass: This is going to be such a fucking piece of shit. I am so excited to see it.

?: You know what I am excited about? The return of the Indoor Soccer League.

Brad Ass: Fuck yah! You know what San Diego's team name is.

?: Yup, they're the San Diego Sockers.

Brad Ass: haha... indeed. Easily the most uncreative team name ever. Though they did have the best Sports Rap Video of all time.

?: Possibly the greatest thing I have ever seen. At the 3:15 mark there is a fan with one tooth.

Brad Ass: It's the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle, but better, because it has Euro Trash accents and White Trash fans.

?: Is it perverted if I masturbate to an actress who is over 18 in real life, but is playing a 16 year old in the movie.

Brad Ass: ummmmmmmm Goodbye.