Whack Ass Xmas 09
All By Myself... kind of
This was the first year that I wasn't with any family on Christmas. Don't feel bad for me though. We had an extended family jubilation a few days earlier, so it was no big deal. Actually, I could have even done without that family get together. Not because I don't like my family, but because of the drive. I had to drive from San Diego to North East Los Angeles at fucking 5 rush hour PM. It took me 3 and a half hours to get there because of traffic, and once I was there I could only stay for one hour because I had to turn around and go home because of work. So, basically it was a 6 hour road trip with a dinner at halftime.
One good thing was that I got there so late, that I missed singing Christmas Carols, were awful singers. I also missed the telling of the Christmas Story. Not the movie with the kid in the bunny suit, but the real one with the Jesus and shit. Someone had to fill in for me and read the part of Joseph, and nobody can pull of a Joseph like me. I play a great gullible husband that believes his wife is actually having a virgin birth and didn't really just fuck around, and is having the Manger of the Inn's baby.
I could just see Mary and the Manager of the Inn yelling at each other while Joseph wasn't looking.
Manger: "What the fuck are you doing here."
Mary: "It's your child I am about to have"
Manager: "Well of course it is. I am the only one you've had sex with, but you can't bring that shit in here."
Mary: "You are responsible for this."
Manager: "You're the weird bitch that doesn't sleep with her husband, and took out her sexual frustration on the night manager of a Holiday Inn... ohhh hey Joseph, how's it going. I'm so sorry but there is no more rooms available. Yah, there is a big Frankincense Convention in town so, you're probably going to be shit out of luck. Oh... look at that, it's time to go on my break. Later."
Another thing we do charitable givings. Each family member gives some cash or volunteers and then we all tell what we did. I have always just let my sister buy kids presents off the mall Christmas tree thingy, but this year I actually did something. I was unable to tell what I did though, because I was late. The one year I was not going to feel like a total piece of shit and I missed it.
Christmas Eve
While you assholes were dealing with family bullshit, and eating a nice Christmas Dinner, I was dining on this.
leftovers (right out of the tin), a PBR, and a Red Bull Sugar Free so I could stay up and see Santa.
I actually went out to the bars on Christmas Eve. Not by myself, but with an old high school friend. Not because I really wanted to go out, but more because I wanted to see the type of people that go out on Chritmas Eve. It wasn't a surprise. Allow me to stereotype. Jews, Asians, and Military.
It was actually fun. No lines, no covers, quick to get drinks.
Christmas Day
For Christmas Day I decided to start a new tradition and jump in the ocean. Santa was good enough to give me a nice day. I convinced my friend to join me by conjuring up a great drunk argument the night before. "The water only changes by like 3 or 4 degrees all year. Think about it. The ocean is so fucking huge that it is impossible for it really fluxuate."
As soon as he jumped in the water he came to the conclusion that my argument was bullshit.
Taking pictures of ourselves on the beach in the middle of winter, and sending them to people across the country is how us San Diegans give the finger.
Christmas Video
It has nothing to do with Christmas. It's actually pretty fucked up. At least this gives all those pussies afraid of the flu shot something to be really scared of.
Future Christmas Present
The flu shot video made me think of the greatest gift a girlfriend or wife could give me in the future. It would simply just be a card and inside it would say, "If I ever end up walking like a hunchback, and can only can function while walking backwards or running, you may leave me." It would basically be a Get Out of Jail Free card. I would simply turn to her and say, "I got you the samething," and we'd both cry, and then laugh as we rewatch the video of the cheerleader walking around like a raptor.
FINISHED
Posted by Brad Ass at 12/29/2009 6:45 PM 
Categories: Whack Ass Weekend
Tags: christams jumping in ocean future present whack ass xmas flu shot
Categories: Whack Ass Weekend
Tags: christams jumping in ocean future present whack ass xmas flu shot
Your fucking blog is so grammatically incorrect and unpleasing to the eyes that it really isn't worth your time writing this nonsense out.
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